Author Topic: Die-ner Review  (Read 558 times)

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Offline St. Thomas Equinas

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Die-ner Review
« on: July 25, 2012, 12:20:53 pm »
Hello. Now when there is no one to talk to on Skype, sometimes I'll go and do a bit of research and find an amusing B-Movie to watch online for the night. Perhaps I'll review some others later, but today I am going to be reviewing of a movie which was allegedly shot in 8 days with a $500,000 budget, called Die-ner (Get it?). Yes folks, the (Get it?) is actually part of the official title. Why I don't know, perhaps they were trying to let the audience know that they shouldn't take this movie seriously but if you're gonna name it something like Die-ner, I don't think anyone is going to come into it looking for a serious experience.

So the plot is this...and normally I wouldn't reveal the entire thing like I am going to do here but let's face it, no one is going to read this review and then think to themselves, "Hmm, maybe I should go an give this a watch!"...a serial killer named Ken goes to a random diner on the side of a highway and kills off the two employees, hiding them in the freezer. Then an arguing couple and a cop show up and Ken thinks about how to dispatch them, but before he can the two employees he killed earlier get out of the freezer and start walking about as zombies. From this point on, it's basically the couple trying to escape from Ken while Ken keeps them in check and tries to figure out what is causing the zombies to raise from the dead. And to avoid future disappointment, what did exactly cause the zombies to rise from the dead? Never explained. Yup, it's one of those movies.

The ending is also disappointing (more spoilers) because everyone ends up dead. Now while I will admit none of the characters were particularly likable, this sort of ending just sort of drops the movie flat. Nothing was accomplished here; there aren't any characters left alive to have an epiphany. All that happens is Ken is ripped apart, the husband is eaten by a zombie and the wife is shot by an incompetent deputy, then eaten by zombies; and after all of that, we watch a zombie climb into a truck and then the story ends. I guess the zombies are going to spread throughout the world now, but seeing as these are some of the most helpless zombies ever portrayed in  cinema, I don't think we'll need to worry about that anytime soon.

Before I dismember this movie any further, I will state a few good things about it. They did a good job on what they were trying to accomplish with their half-million dollar budget, and the few gore effects (and I do mean few; for a zombie movie it's pretty tame) are well done...for the budget. Also, the acting for a low budget zombie movie is superb; all of the characters (at least the ones that speak, some of the folks playing zombies are pretty bad) have good actors behind them who are able to convincingly play their roles most of the time. Special kudos to the guy who played Ken; apparently it is first movie role but he did a superb job as the charismatic but deranged serial killer and could have quite a good career if he kept it up.

Okay, now for the bad things. The main problem with this movie is the same problem this review has; it is much too long. This movie goes on for around eighty minutes and if they had cut that time in half, they still would have had too many slow moments to make the movie exciting. It is painfully obvious that the filmmakers knew that they didn't have enough material to work with and there are tons of 'filler' moments...for example, a five-minute talk with a waitress about her personal life before she is killed and the backstory is never brought up again, or flashbacks Ken has to when he was a child which have no bearing on the plot at all...if they had shown us what traumatized him or turned him into a serial killer it could have been an interesting addition, but all it shows us is him wandering around the house, looking around rooms and climbing stairs for minutes at a time. What a waste...

Another big problem is that the movie isn't sure what it wants to be. In addition to being a horror, I think it is trying to be a comedy, but it's just hard to know due to the way they handle it. There aren't any real jokes in here, just some over-the-top moments and odd statements by Ken (who if you haven't figured out by now, is pretty much carrying the entire movie). Then there a moments that are so distasteful that you feel just plain bad laughing at them, like when a zombie comically tries to eat the husband's severed finger. It's just very cluttered and seems to be trying to do more than it can accomplish.

Two more problems I had with this: the music and the plot holes. The music was actually quite good but incredibly repetitive; an evil synthesized organ was cool at first, but it was literally playing through about half of the movie. The music also had little variety, it was mostly either the previously mentioned organ or a heavy metal piece which occasionally played over a more intense scene. And now on to my final complaint, the plot holes. In a movie like this you can expect stupid characters and missed opportunities, but this movie went way, way too far. Every character has countless opportunities to escape, characters make unfathomable decisions at times and even though it said at the beginning of the movie it said the diner was nearly abandoned and got no business, there are hordes of zombies pouring in at the end. Where did they come from? Who knows? Another thing that bugged me was that the serial killer had no reason at all to stay around, not kill the couple, or anything. Everything just seemed to be filler in this movie and there was very little of substance. It was almost as though the creators were forced to make a movie and just threw this together, and although it does have some excellent moments most of it is worthless.

So that is my review. If you like darkly humorous splatter comedies and don't mind sitting through a lot of pointless dialogue and slow moments, you might enjoy this. I personally was entertained by most of it, but I wouldn't watch it again and can't really recommend it except to people with specific tastes.  I hope you enjoyed my review, and thank you for reading.
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