Author Topic: Lyricist needs real advice  (Read 871 times)

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Offline Flarecat

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Lyricist needs real advice
« on: June 16, 2007, 06:05:02 am »
Artistically, I am primarily a lyricist, and I post most of my stuff to DA. The problem lies in that due to my very small watch list, I either get "OMG SO AWESOME I FAV NOW KTHXBYE" comments or no comments at all.

Which leads me to post some things here...in the hopes that I get decent, helpful feedback.

This is the first song I will present, and it is the best (in terms of quality). I presented it to my english class at the end of the year, and I got all sorts of  remarks out of the theacher(who seemed to enjoy it a lot) but nothing but blank stares from the students.


Forbidden Realms ~ Flarecat

There exists a place far beyond your present reality
Your sheltered existence might prevent you from the eventuality
But I want to change all that
And I hope I can prove that to be a fact

I've seen things you would not believe
Where things you could never conceive
Ramify before you like one great tree

I'll show you a world far beyond your greatest dreams
Where everything is beyond what it seems
The unaided eye can only see so much of the sky
Just let me show you how to fly
And then we'll transcend far beyond
what you perceive as the light

It is from this world I draw my strength
The only refuge in times of pain and hate
The one hope that will remain
is from this place which saturates but does not stain

If it does your trip will have been in vain.

I'll show you things that destroy lesser souls
A decent test of spirit it is
To perceive yourself as not walking on hot coals
The trick is in if you can believe
And how open hearted you can be.

I'll show you a world far beyond your greatest dreams
Where everything is beyond what it seems
The unaided eye can only see so much of the sky
Just let me show you how to fly
And then we'll transcend far beyond
what you perceive as the light

The lesser attack this realm with hate
Unknown to those who shout with rage
is that unique kinds of love dwell with this space
So many things that cannot be felt outside of this place

If you can embrace the wonders here
You will shift as to why you feel fear
Your existence will be razed
But to another octave you will be raised
In time you will raise a glass and make a toast
"To the health and continuation of the realm!"
And then you can boast
How you are freer than most
Knowing that your existence supports your new cause

I'll show you a world far beyond your greatest dreams
Where everything is beyond what it seems
The unaided eye can only see so much of the sky
Just let me show you how to fly
And then we'll transcend far beyond
what you perceive as the light

The lesser attack this realm with hate
Unknown to those who shout with rage
is that unique kinds of love dwell with this space
So many things that cannot be felt outside of this place

Where the land of wild fantasy
Becomes the land of abstract reality
Where fear is replaced by understanding
And you shall hope to never find yourself landing

Offline Kyfoodo

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Re: Lyricist needs real advice
« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2007, 07:21:04 am »
I've been attempting to write lyrics for what I hope will be songs for about 5 years now. I would say it's quite good but you want to watch out for clich

Offline Flarecat

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Re: Lyricist needs real advice
« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2007, 03:18:28 pm »
I usually write entire songs in one sitting, i just only post the ones which deserve to be posted.

I usually only go for good, complete work...thats why I have so few poems and songs on my dA page compared to many other poets.  I just don't see the point in flooding people's inboxes with the same topic just rephrased. Plus, I ONLY work when inspired.

Offline Kyfoodo

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Re: Lyricist needs real advice
« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2007, 03:38:48 pm »
Okay do whatever you think works best. It was just advice you don't have to take it.