Author Topic: CRAP! No One Loves Me & Arcane Kids - Review  (Read 520 times)

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Offline lion dude

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CRAP! No One Loves Me & Arcane Kids - Review
« on: December 10, 2015, 09:32:01 am »
2 months ago, I have recieved an E-Mail from a newsletter I have subscribed to;
It was the Arcane Kids newsletter.

They have told thier fans about thier upcomming game "CRAP! No One Loves Me", and that the DRM-Free (and only) version was available in the weekly humble bundle of that week.


Who are the Arcane Kids, and why are they making theese wierd ass games?

This is a tough nut,
see whatever you google you won't have a good answer so I will try to do my best to break it down from what I know.

Arcane kids are comprised of 2 Game Developers who are in LA,

Ben Esposito & Russell Honor

Thier history of games include a few infamous titles,

- Zineth,

- Bubsy3d: Bubsy visits the James Turrell Retrospective

and finally the one you all know;

- Sonic Dreams Collection.

Now what we see in theese games are broken, relatively fast paced experimental joke kind of games with alot of what the cool kids call "aesthetic".

And that's kind of the point.
Look at this

Now I hope the point is relatively clear, but theese games revel in a "bad game" kind of surrealist satire state, they present themselves rather quickly to the joke, or a twist thing rather in some forms (Sonic Dreams Collection is the prime example here.)
Highly experimental filled with loads of secret stuff if you start looking.
Jokes often or not are not meant to harm the players experience, making it a pretty fluid experience.

Now that we have this out of the way, let me finish this segment by saying that this short form of what Arcane Kids is, is not a definite fact, merely stuff I have gathered and interpreted.
I highly encourage you to check them out yourselves, and play the games with a relatively open mindset.


CRAP! No One Loves Me!


CNOLM is a relatively short sports game esque thing.

This whole game is inspired by a segment of the before mentioned Bubsy game (of which it is technically seen a Spin-off/Sequel, as said by Arcane Kids themselves), where you slide a coffin through hell in a bobsledding manner of sorts.

The game is exactly that, you control a coffin riding down 8 Levels in what is supposedly the Afterlife.


The game has a very heavilly influenced Visual look. It doesn't show itself in High Definition graphics, it presents itself in a VHS inspired look, with a VHS effect going on as you play.
In the options you can actually turn the graphics even worse, if you fancy that.

I presume this game is supposed to follow an "Vaporwave" Aesthetic, with it sporting an quickly rendered 90's CGI kind of style on the tracks themselves.
For example, the checkpoints are thorn crowns you can jump through, simmilar to hoops. Skeletal hands grip it as an USB cable is wrapped around the entire circle, and a 3d static model of a battery is at the top.


Alright, I love both the growing difficulty curve aswell as a little bit of an luck element to some obstacles which you have to overcome, but playing this on a german keyboard is unsatisfying and doesn't feel right.

The game has only six input functions,

Up, Down, Left, Right, Jump and Dive.

The directional Keys are either the WASD keys and Jump and dive are 'C' and 'V', or if you fancy Player 2 or the Arrow Keys you use '.' and '\' ('#' for me).

The game features a little tutorial at the start, introducing you to the funtions and game.

You transition to the next level by jumping into an iPhone, with the 'adult' version from bubsy sitting there on a throne, staring right head on until you enter the tube to the level you are on.

This process repeats until you finish the game, I would spoil the ending because there isn't much to spoil in the first place as is known of Arcane Kids, but I am too lazy to bother explaining it.


I love this game.

Like I do with every other Arcane Kids game, because I am a nerd.

Objectively seen it's not much, its shortness makes it feel like its lacking a bit and I would have liked more to play on.

I encourage you to watch atleast one video of it on youtube, or play it yourself and get it with this link!


Feel free to add your thoughts below if you do get it!
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Offline Mothpit

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Re: CRAP! No One Loves Me & Arcane Kids - Review
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2015, 09:39:37 am »
Great review, man.  :lol-fox:
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Offline lion dude

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Re: CRAP! No One Loves Me & Arcane Kids - Review
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2015, 09:40:36 am »
Great review, man.  :lol-fox:

Thank you!
It was certainly fun to write aswell.
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