Author Topic: Zagan's Writing Stuff  (Read 330 times)

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Offline Aoki

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Zagan's Writing Stuff
« on: February 14, 2017, 01:10:44 am »
This is where I'm going to post my writing !!
WARNING: A LOT OF THESE WILL HAVE HORROR AND SOMETIMES GORE
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT STUFF THEN DON'T READ IT PLEASE
Also I just started writing so it may not be great

here's a rough draft of a short story
Feel free to tell me what you think

Edit: I updated this story a bit
It still needs some work though




I opened my eyes just to be greeted by darkness. If someone were to stand right in front of me I wouldn't be able to see them, that's how dark it was. The thing that stood out to me the most was that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't move. It almost felt like I was floating.

I even tried screaming but nothing came out, I then started to hear heavy breathing. Was that me? Suddenly a breath hit the back of my neck. It was warm. Panic overcame me. I turned my head around quickly but the breath remained at the back of my neck. Quickly I jerked my neck up, something quickly caught my eye. It was a speck of white. Was it a star? Was it my way out?

Suddenly, I fell onto my stomach to what I guess was a floor. The wind was knocked out of me and I was panting silently. I slowly got to my feet and stretched out my arms, my hands met with two solid walls on either side of me. They were also pitch black.

Lookong forward I saw the small
spec of white. I found myself walking towards it because just standing around won't do me any good.

When I took my first few steps I felt the breath on the back of my neck again, It seemed like it was breathing faster then the last encounter. I turned around quickly but just as before the breath was still at the back of my neck. I turned towards the spec and started to pick up my pace. Out of nowhere i heard this faint crying sound all around me. The crying was mornful and eerie

Some of the noise even emitted from below me. It grew louder as I took more steps, I still felt the breath as well. The crying turned to screaming then I felt something grab my arm. Of course I couldn't see what it was but I tried pulling away as the crying turned to screaming. What felt like knives dug into my skin where the grip was. The more I tried pulling away the worse it got. I scremed but no sound escaped my lips. Finally, I pulled away but the area stung, I started to run, not wanting to experience that again.

As I got further it sounded like hundreds of people were screaming, I couldn't make out what they were saying, some even sounded like children. They sounded really distressed, like they were being ripped to shreads. Just pure agony.

A sharp pain quickly overtook me in my stomach area. I instantly fell to the ground. It had the same sensation as the grab to my arm. This time it spread. It started at my abdomen and worked it's way to my chest. Screaming in agaony silently, I felt tears rush to my face. I had to keep going. Getting up, I felt like I was going to faint.

 I kept my eyes on the spec of light, it wasn't a spec anymore it was quite bigger. My vision started to cloud and i ran, faster than I ever have before. The pain was getting unbearable. I felt a liquid fill in my mouth. As I started to pant it escaped my lips, It was blood. I could tatse the metallic taste of blood. This was the least of my worries. I then felt a warm breath against my ear as I was running. "You know what you did to deserve this." It whispered. The voice was deep and monotone. I had no idea what it meant. I had no idea who I was or what this place was. Then I reached the light. My arms outstretched to it. Everything went silent.

I opened my eyes to come face to face with a man, I heard the faint noise of a siren.
"We thought we lost you there for good young man. We are on the way to the hospital." he stated.

I then remembered what happened. I'm glad I disposed of the body before I blacked out.
« Last Edit: February 14, 2017, 05:29:09 pm by Zagan »
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Offline Izzy the Foxdeer

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Re: Zagan's Writing Stuff
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2017, 09:17:20 am »
I love it! I especially love the little plot twist at the ending. The only advice I can think of is to maybe try to not start as many sentences with I. Other than that it's perfect!
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Offline Ari~

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Re: Zagan's Writing Stuff
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2017, 04:51:22 pm »
Woah. This is amazing. You should write more about this!
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Offline Aoki

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Re: Zagan's Writing Stuff
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2017, 05:08:46 pm »
Thanks for the feedback!! It really means a lot
I updated it
Its mainly just edits
I may start working on another short story soon
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