Author Topic: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'  (Read 1365 times)

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Offline Riku

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A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« on: December 02, 2010, 11:48:19 pm »
 :pale: :ncool: :evil: :puker: :pukel:

I am surpirised crap like that actually has the right to exist. If you find a copy of it, DESTROY it. My mother, who insists on handing things down to my nephew, want to give it to him. I dont want her to, that would be like chinese water torture. Seriously, it is utter crap on a shit-stick. the storyline makes absolutley NO sense, the dialogue makes you wonder what the writers and producer were tripping on, and the graphics are worse than the ones in Pong. you know, the first video game ever made. Seriously, the ONLY way that thing would make sense to anyone is if they were on a serious freaking drug trip when they watched it. that, or already suicidal and want that last little push towards actually offing yourself. seriously, anyone with the personality of Paula, the chick from American Idol who always finds something nice to say, no matter how bad they sing, would be shocked speechless at this movie, and not in a good way. Simon Powell, hell, he would prolly shoot himself at the knowledge that something so crappy could actually exist. and the other guy, the one who's name no one remembers, not because he was the black dude but because he was the most 'balanced' of the three in terms of his comments, would prolly go bleach his brain after watching it.

Does that sum it up for you? And i am just posting this in case anyone has kids near them and comes across this so called 'movie'....more like psychedelic crack on mushrooms if you ask me....
Self preservation? Whats that? And can I use it to kill the assholes messing with my friends?

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Offline Cell

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2010, 06:55:00 pm »
This is actually one of my favorites. Thank you for the excessively belligerent review.
I'm not offended that you hate it: Compared to today's films, an obscure cult film made on a low budget with puppets doesn't seem so grand.
However:

The plot, while a bit off-kilter and hard to get the first time 'round, isn't god-awful. Take a look at Miyazaki/Studio Ghibli's Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle: The first had zero premise, and the second totally butchered Diana Wynne Jones' novel's astounding story. But they were both still excellent movies and have a wide following.
The dialogue... Well, I remember very little dialogue in the first place anyway. And films like The Triplets of Belleville can get by on nearly ZERO dialogue in the first place(And a lot of unintelligible gibberish and such where speech actually exists) and still be absolutely wonderful.

To make further point in my counterargument, The Dark Crystal was made in the late 80's-early 90's or so (excuse me, 1982) with puppets and about $0 for a budget.  I mean, that's pretty good considering the time period and circumstances. Puppets. The same way the Muppets and Sesame street work. We're not talking Shrek, Avatar, none of that. Special effects made via computer weren't anywhere near as advanced when this film was created.
By the way, I was never on drugs when I viewed The Dark Crystal, and I have never been on drugs. I like it just fine. It's a taste thing.
I respect that you dislike the film, but I think you're being overly critical of it.
Thanks for reminding me it, by the way. I'm going to go dig out my copy and re-watch it. I might even get it converted to DVD format :)

Also: The film on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SRpTa2AxK8
« Last Edit: December 05, 2010, 06:58:17 pm by Cell Sheppard »
Meh.

Offline Riku

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2010, 07:03:59 pm »
O.o
quote: "I'm going to go dig out my copy and re-watch it. I might even get it converted to DVD format"

what???

Riku: :still staring in shock:

Salim: :pulls him away: Excuse him, we think he was channeling the ghost of Simon Powell when he reviewed it...wait, he's still alive, isnt he?

[ADMIN EDIT: Merged double post.]
« Last Edit: December 05, 2010, 07:18:57 pm by Spaz »
Self preservation? Whats that? And can I use it to kill the assholes messing with my friends?

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Offline The Woolly One

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2010, 07:19:08 pm »
O.o
quote: "I'm going to go dig out my copy and re-watch it. I might even get it converted to DVD format"

what???

Riku: :still staring in shock:

Salim: :pulls him away: Excuse him, we think he was channeling the ghost of Simon Powell when he reviewed it...wait, he's still alive, isnt he?

And if you look to the top right of a post. You will find a Quote and Modify button which will allow you to quote people and edit your posts. You should really stop multi posting. It pisses off the mods.

As for the movie. I saw it a few years ago. I honestly thought it wasn't anything special, but it was no where near as bad as you made it out to be. You also have to consider the fact that this film had an incredibly low budget and had no possible use of CGI. There are thousands of movies out there that had a higher budget/more recent release date and are worse than it.
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Offline lucien

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2010, 07:21:34 pm »
... Um.

This is the reviews board. Could you please actually give a proper review instead of ranting on about how horrible it is?

What's the movie about? Are there any good qualities?

Please do more than just say it's awful.
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Offline Wolf12

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2010, 10:22:29 pm »
What is this movie about? And like Spaz said give it a review please thank you.

Like is it a dark comedy?
Horror movie?
Drama?
Video game movie?
« Last Edit: December 05, 2010, 10:30:35 pm by wolf12 »
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Offline Alnix

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2010, 11:51:12 pm »
What is this movie about? And like Spaz said give it a review please thank you.

Like is it a dark comedy?
Horror movie?
Drama?
Video game movie?

Basically it is a fantasy film in which a magical crystal, the Dark Crystal, has a shard split from it and two races are born: the evil tyrannical Skeksis, and the wise practitioners of the Old Magic, the Mystics. A third race, the Gelflings, have been almost completely been wiped out by the Skeksis due to a prophecy foretelling that a Gelfling would eventually lead to the downfall of the Skeksis. The main character, Jen, is charged by the head Mystic, who is on his deathbead, to find the missing shard of the crystal and "do what must be done before it's too late."

That was a short synopsis with virtually no spoilers, you find all this out within the first few minutes of the movie's start. I think it is worth several watches, and the puppeteering is done fairly well. Though the beginning starts out a bit slow, I found the movie to be quite enjoyable, and its one of the few movies that I would like to be remade (only if its done right) with today's special effect.

Also there's a manga prequel to the movie (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legends_of_the_Dark_Crystal) that I have yet to pick up and read, but I bought some art of the Skeksis from the authors.
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Offline Wolf12

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2010, 01:52:53 am »
What is this movie about? And like Spaz said give it a review please thank you.

Like is it a dark comedy?
Horror movie?
Drama?
Video game movie?

Basically it is a fantasy film in which a magical crystal, the Dark Crystal, has a shard split from it and two races are born: the evil tyrannical Skeksis, and the wise practitioners of the Old Magic, the Mystics. A third race, the Gelflings, have been almost completely been wiped out by the Skeksis due to a prophecy foretelling that a Gelfling would eventually lead to the downfall of the Skeksis. The main character, Jen, is charged by the head Mystic, who is on his deathbead, to find the missing shard of the crystal and nulldo what must be done before it's too late.null

That was a short synopsis with virtually no spoilers, you find all this out within the first few minutes of the movie's start. I think it is worth several watches, and the puppeteering is done fairly well. Though the beginning starts out a bit slow, I found the movie to be quite enjoyable, and its one of the few movies that I would like to be remade (only if its done right) with today's special effect.

Also there's a manga prequel to the movie (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legends_of_the_Dark_Crystal) that I have yet to pick up and read, but I bought some art of the Skeksis from the authors.

Thank you Alnix I will look for this one.
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Offline TIGER

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2010, 02:56:17 am »
I'm assuming that you meant 'Crystal' in the title. I sat there for a while trying to figure out what the heck a crytal was.

Yes, doing nothing but bagging out the movie and then actually O.O OMG SOO SHOCKED when someone actually likes it isn't a nice thing. :c
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Offline Cell

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #9 on: December 06, 2010, 04:16:35 pm »
I like puppets.
And this movie has some beasty puppets, let me tell you! :)
...Like, literally. They're all animal-esque. The Skeksys look vaguely like vultures, and the Mystics are like Alf except totally freakin' cool and not obsessed with eating housecats.
Meh.

Offline Ruslan

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #10 on: December 06, 2010, 08:32:32 pm »
I remember this movie!  Loved it, but always feel like I'm a really long headtrip.  Considering the budget some of the sets are mindbendingly creative.  It's the fun fantasy adventure work of some very studious puppeteers.  GO WATCH IT!

Much like Micheal Bay films, you don't watch them for some great plot or emotional rivets, you watch to see something cool.   

Offline Roofus

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2010, 10:42:52 am »
I have a phobia of puppets that look like humans and Christ this film scared the bloody bejesus out of me almost as much as the Dolmio adverts.

Offline Kelly

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #12 on: December 08, 2010, 10:49:03 am »
I'm gonna watch it before saying anything, but since the 10 least good movies (according to critics) of all times are on my top 10 (battle field earth for instance), I'm probably not to be listened to.
Watch "Missing Lynx"

Offline Kallen

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Re: A 'movie' known as 'The Dark Crytal'
« Reply #13 on: December 29, 2010, 03:38:18 pm »
I watched this film with my older brother rather reccently. he described it as "one of the best movies from my childhood". seeing as I have watched and loved the yellow submarine, this actully wasn't very weird for me. the story was a bit hard to grasp at first and it didn't hold together all that well, but it was still pretty fun to watch.
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